Will I Make it As a Comic and Performer?

2006-07-18T02:11:00.000-07:00

It's been so long. A lot has happened.

Well, at the end of April and early May, I met my soulmate, Mike. From the first moment we met, we knew we were destined to be together. I really love him. He's so different from any other guy I've dated. He's truly a nice guy. He wasn't my "type" and when I talked to him on the phone before I met him (we met on Match.com), I told him, "Hey, you're not really my type. I like taller guys. But, we can be good friends." He was such a good sport about it! I was so rude! Of course, when I finally met him in person, I thought he was so attractive. I loved him instantly. He is so patient and kind. We're totally meant to be together. We're both Aquarians and sometimes, we are so similar, it's eery. But, I am more emotional, or more prone to cry, than he is! I met his mom and stepdad last week. They're sweet. His mom and I really hit it off. She's such a sweetheart. She and I are so similar in our tendency to cry at the drop of a hat!

We're living together now, in Pasadena. The house is really cluttered because I brought so much stuff with me (I moved into his house). We're still trying to get everything in order. The grossest thing is that his old roommate must have pee'd in her room or something because we have had the toughest time getting this horrid dry urine smell out of the room! It smelled like the nursing home where my mom used to work where the patients would always pee on themselves. We have done more online research on "getting rid of human urine stains on carpet" than any person should ever have to! The scary thing is how many hits we got.

So, Mike and I have been through so much already. I don't necessarily want to get into it right now, but we've had to deal with something really sad this past weekend, but I think we're the stronger for it. Part of it was I was in the hospital in Arizona this past Friday. But, a funny part is that I kept asking the hospital staff for Tylenol for my muscle cramps and pain. So, while I was lying on the hospital bed in one of the ER rooms, the doctor told me that IV fluid might make my pain go away. So the nurse came and put the IV needle in my arm and left. I told Mike excitedly, after a couple of minutes, "Mike, either it's distraction or this IV fluid is working, because my cramps are gone!" Mike gave me a really funny look, opened his mouth to say something, stopped, looked down, paused, looked at my arm, then looked at me again finally and said slowly, "Well, considering you're not connected to any IV fluid bag yet, I'm gonna go with 'distraction.'" I looked and saw that the IV needle wasn't attached to anything yet. We laughed hysterically at that! I laughed even harder when I told him, "Hey, my cramps are back!"

Unlike TK, Mike is someone I know I can count on to be there for me 100%. He won't flake or bail on me when the going gets tough. We're already basically husband and wife.
I love him so much!

2006-03-14T20:23:00.000-08:00

I just saw the half hour premiere of Face the Family, the reality show pilot that I, TK and our parents and family were in. I had mixed emotions. Mostly I focused on how funny and endearing my parents were in it. I love my family so much! I never thought about how close we are until now. When you are used to something, when you're in the mix of it, you never realize what it is until it's gone. Like being in love with someone, or appreciating someone. I got the nicest compliment from Lisa, this woman I work with, who is also an actress. She said I had a beautiful openness or vulnerability mixed with strength. I seemed to really show my emotions and they were just right below the surface. She said it was obvious I'd be great in films because of that inner quality I had--something reminiscient of Meryl Streep. Hey, if I even have a tiny bit of Meryl Streep's luminosity or talent, I'd be honored. I'll just have to make that wish and manifest an indie director who sees that quality and makes me his Muse!

The bittersweet part is just seeing me and TK in our relationship back then and how distant we are now. Well, not really distant. Just separate and separating even more and more. We broke up for the third and final time in October, right after his mother died. She had a heart attack in October and no one found her for a couple of days. So very very sad. I remembered how sad I felt when I was at her senior apartment complex. The cheeful faces but lonely people, with a lot of photos of loved ones and mostly memories. She deserved better.

Life is so funny. I want to cry about it so much sometimes that I just turn it into smiles and laughter. What else can we do? Fragile and curious creatures that we are. So wonderful and awful at the same time. I love writing songs and soon, very soon, I'll be courageous enough to perform them live. I really feel I'm being 100% myself when I sing--quiet, poetic but hopeful. Maybe that's why I feel so shy about singing in public! Here are the lyrics for a song I recently recorded in my neighbor's recording studio. He's cool--a very talented young singer/songwriter and actor named Brent. He's definitely going to make it in the industry.

Butterflies

Butterflies can fall apart
Butterflies can break
Butterflies can break your heart.

Falling stars don't love the sun
Falling stars do guide
Falling stars do guide no one

If you see the writing on the wall,
if you hear the many times I called
Out your name,

then come
oh, just, just
come
back to me

Butterflies can fall apart
Butterflies can break
Butterflies can breakyour heart.

I'm in a singing class at Santa Monica College. The teacher is wonderful with a very spiritual vibe about her. There's a girl with Down's Syndrome in the class who's become the assistant, checking people in for attendance. She's sweet and she sings so off-key, but her love of singing and the class's and teacher's kindness towards her is very moving. Sometimes people really can be the embodiment of God-energy.

2005-08-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hi, yes, it's been a long time.

No matter what happens in our day, we go on, you know?

Life is amazing, even when it seems bad. Things are always better in the morning.

Here's a cool tip--before going to bed, write affirmations or look at stuff that you want your mind to absorb.

In the morning, meditate or do the stuff you need to do to release stuff you don't want anymore.

Sorry to be so vague, but I got to go.

Love,
Me

2005-03-09T04:22:00.000-08:00

Sleep your way to success. I highly recommend it! Well, the 3-part CD program entitled that, any way. It's by Wendy Robbins, a self-made New Age millionaire. It's awesome. You listen to these CD's that help you to get out of your own way and achieve all that you dream of achieving. And, you listen to them as you fall asleep at night. I find them very relaxing and they make me fall into a deep sleep. I think they use hypnosis also. Cool! Yeah, after listening to them, I felt very cheerful. I kept saying "Hmm, everything I touch turns to gold." i also felt very lucky.

So, I've been doing a lot of standup comedy shows, mostly the ones that TK, my boyfriend runs. It's been really helpful and my comedy's really tightening up. I'm going to get a chance to do a few minutes of comedy at the Alonzo Bodden show that TK's producing down in Orange County. Should be a great time.

My agent called me tonight excitedly and told me to come by the office tomorrow. He said I can meet Bruce Lee's brother, who is apparently an incredible healer and person. I can't wait.

I did an opening act gig up at Hornblower's comedy club in Ventura. I opened for Rudy Moreno, who was pretty funny. The feature was a very entertaining magician, Sean McMasters.

Well, let's see. Not much to chat about right now. I'll write more later, I promise!

Love,
Moi

2005-02-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I can't believe it's already February 1, 2005! The time really flies faster and faster away from us as we get older. Sigh. And my birthday's in 6 days! Wow, I can't believe I'm going to turn (ugh) 35. I feel like I'm still in my 20's. Luckily, most people say I look like I'm in my 20's. I heard somewhere that your mind thinks you're 27, long past that age, and that when you die, you're 27 in heaven. Well, I guess that only applies if you die past 27...

On Sunday, I performed in T.K.'s show at The Improv. Nancy, Beto and Ric came out to see me, which was so sweet of them. They hadn't seen me do standup since the days of L.A. Connection Comedy Theater and those shows with Steve and Barb North (when I was in their comedy workshops back in 2002-3) Anyway, I killed. I really felt in the zone on Sunday, and did really well. The amazing thing is that I felt very centered and calm onstage. I took a beat and really looked around (as best I could, with the bright lights). I smiled at the audience and half-bowed. Then, I said, "Hola, que tal?" That got a nice laugh. I made up a bunch of stuff as I did my set, riffing off the audience and improvising. But most importantly, I had fun. My senses felt heightened. Usually, it's all a blur, but this time was really different. I think my spiritual practice is now finally coming into my comedy performing. Nancy, Ric and Beto said I did great. Nancy mentioned I'd gotten so much better than the last time she saw me and how the "wall" she'd felt before (between me and the audience) was gone. Beto said that I had a calming and relaxing presence onstage, which set me apart from the others.

I was so touched by their compliments. It is the first time I've really felt a glimmer of that spiritual ministry and healing infusing my standup comedy. I'm excited now again about doing standup. I feel like I'd been in a slump for months, bored by it and focused on improv and sketch comedy instead. Ah, now the enthusiasm is back! My dream is that people really feel uplifted by my comedy and that families can come out and see me and have a great time. I also want to develop clean material--stuff that pokes fun at me, my family, life, but doesn't attack or denigrate others. I remember when I did standup at this art gallery show in downtown L.A., these young boys were talking to me afterwards. They said they liked my jokes and they quoted my jokes back to me! That's the ultimate compliment! I also remember how much this young girl laughed when I did my Cherry Ho character at the PISSED showcase at the Second City Studio Theater back in November. Oh, and I did comedy at a private party back in the summer. There were young kids, teenagers and adults. They all laughed and had a great time and enjoyed my comedy. It's a real blessing to be able to do comedy that makes adults and kids laugh. Really.

God is good, really. I'm becoming more and more aware of this. I'm in the middle of my Spiritual Practices class at Agape, down in Culver City. It's been an amazing challenge and blessing. Our "homework" includes meditating and doing spiritual mind treatment (affirmative prayer). One of the greatest challenges and gifts is ending my toxic egoic mind game of being so judgmental. I was aware this past week of how easily I slip into that gossipy mode or that judgmental cattiness. Wow. T.K. was so patient with me when I'd start bitching about this or that about certain female comics, including one who kept ignoring me as I stood by him and brushed his knee with her hand as she was talking to him. Boy, was I seeing red that night! Thank goodness that more and more, just like in Vipassana meditation, I'm catching myself having such reactions, and observing them. This allows me to make a choice as to whether I'm going to act out or choose another action.

So, I have an audition tomorrow for some financial institution commercial. I have no idea what it is, or what the lines are. I'm going to go into it with a positive, but detached, attitude. Really. If it's meant for me, then so be it. I've decided I'm not going to waste any more energy on obsessing about these auditions. Not when there's spiritual ministry to be done! (wow, that totally sounded like classic defensive Aquarian talk, eh?)

Okay, I've decided I'm going to stop f**king around with not completing my one-woman show. I found out that graduates of The Second City program here in L.A. can rent the little theater out, for just $250 a night and keep the door proceeds. So, I'm going to do it. I think April will be a good month. Just set a couple of dates, get the script done and just do it, jump it, etc. etc. before the fear sets in.

Love,
me

2004-12-28T01:13:00.000-08:00

Hello! Hope your Christmas was wonderful (well, that is, if you celebrate it). Otherwise, happy holidays!

It's been quiet on the performing front for me. Not that I mind that much. I think a lot of good things are in store for me this coming 2005. A friend of mine, Inessa, is a feng shui consultant and she came and did my whole house as a birthday gift. (okay, well, my birthday was Feb. 7th, but I forgot she'd given that to me as a gift) It was awesome! I have a few rooms filled with clutter and now I feel energized to clean up my space (which, as we might have guessed, is a manifestation of my inner space, eh?). The consultation and healing she did was really powerful. I felt lightheaded from it. The funny thing is, the next day (which was a SUNDAY, mind you) my agent called and told me I had an audition the next day. I thought that was totally related to the feng shui healing because Inessa and I cleared and re-set my career space.

I worked as a background actor for this Capital One commercial. I hope they decided to bump me up to a principal. I, and a bunch of other Asian actors, were dressed as Tibetan peasants. There were animals too, like a llama, some goats and a cute monkey. The monkey was really hyper and at one point, just pooped on the actor whose shoulder it was resting upon! Funny. I wouldn't normally work much as an extra, but this commercial seemed interesting. Turns out most of the other extras had auditioned also as principals. At one point, the director asked me to say some lines, but they thought I sounded too Americanized. Next time, I'm going to research the accent, just in case! They had real Tibetan monks from a temple in Long Beach too. I chatted with one of them and he told me that there was a meditation sitting on Monday nights that was open to the public. I'm gonna go, man.

So, Christmas was really nice. TK, my boyfriend came over. My best friend Beto came over, as well as two of my brothers, Benny and Richard. We had a nice early Christmas supper (hey, does anyone say "supper" anymore, or does it sound too Little House on the Prairie?). TK cooked chicken and steak in his red wine sauce, and a yummy shrimp scampi. We opened a few presents. TK had football blaring in the background on the t.v., but I didn't mind.

I'm waiting to hear about this random submission I did for a new reality t.v. show, which is going to be on MTV, I think. It's called Who Wants to be a Superhero. I created a new age superhero girl and the casting director, Holly, said they liked my character and wanted to see a tape of me and my proposed character. So, I taped myself on a Sunday and dropped it off. It was actually fun to tape. My character is Cosmic Girl and she fights evil by cleaning out the evil from the psyche of evildoers' brains and subconscious. Also, her alter ego is a public interest attorney, Starr Ray Lee. Starr becomes the superhero by rubbing a small Buddha statue and saying, "Out of the darkness, may there be light!" Cheesy, but heck, I had fun writing it and acting it out. I created the wreath for Cosmic Girl's head out of Xmas ornaments from the 99 Cent store. Nancy and Beto saw the tape and thought it was really funny. I just filled out a personal questionnaire for the casting director too. So, we'll see. They'll probably get back to people in January.

So, in terms of any comedy, I performed at Herman's Restaurant and Bar in Rialto last week. TK drove out there with me. For some reason, I was nervous about performing standup in front of him, even though the first time he met me was when I did standup in his show, and he thought I was really funny. Now, it was just a bit different, because he was my boyfriend. I still sometimes have an issue with having friends, family, loved ones coming to see me perform. I'm afraid they'll judge me or think, "Wow, Jung sucks!" Ah, it's silly and I should just get over it. Anyway, the room got to be pretty full. This nice guy, Flow, runs that room and I got $20 for performing. Well, enough for gas to and from, eh?

There was a rowdy group of Latino guys sitting in the middle of the room. They were getting drunk and drinking buckets of beer. When I got up, they started whistling, etc. They were okay but ended up being really annoying. They were the type of audience members who think they're helping a comic out by talking to the comic, or butting in. Anyway, they liked my bits because I talk about being Asian in a Mexican border town. At one point, one of them blurts out, thinking he's contributing to my routine, "Hey, in Tijuana, where I lived, there was a lot of Chinese people." I said, "Wow, that is so totally . . . IRRELEVANT!" The rest of the room laughed a lot at that. I put that guy in his place. He was so dumb though, because he got all defensive and mad. Whatever, dude. Shut up and let me think!

I need to be more proactive and do some more standup each week. I might do one of TK's shows at The Improv, as well as go to their open mike on Wednesdays. This funny guy I know from Second City, Mac, runs the open mike now.

Okay, that's all the blathering for now. Hopefully, next time, I'll have more exciting stuff to relay! Ciao!

Love and light,
Me

2004-12-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a long time, eh? I don't really have a good excuse for not writing--just got lazy.

I did an audition yesterday where I had to be an Asian village peasant. I wasn't sure how to dress for the audition until I thought, Hmm, how would my grandma have dressed? Then, the outfit just came naturally--sandals, mismatched socks, black pants tucked into the socks, a Mao-type padded jacket, pigtails. The finishing touch was I chewed on some licorice (sent from Steve in Australia!) so that I'd have black marks on my teeth! Nice. At least the casting director assistant cracked up when she took my polaroid. I'm also auditioning for this random, but cool project which is a reality show and involves being a superhero. I submitted an application last summer at ComiCon and forgot all about it but they got in touch with me recently, said they liked my idea of my character, and want to see a videotape of me and my character. Hmmm, we'll see!

TK's been doing really well. I'm proud of him because he works so hard at what he does and it's paying off. He and his comedy partner just got signed with ICM, which is great.

We went to a show that he headlined at a winery in Sonoma County. His mic went out because the batteries died, but he handled the situation well. His friend Howie organizes these shows. He and the other comic, Tom, were really nice and it was fun to watch them perform, hang out with them, but not feel the pressure to perform. But, watching TK, it reminds me that I have to make sure I'm taking steps to perform as much as possible.

Well, folks, that's it for now. Just wanted to drop a note for anyone annoyed that I haven't updated this blog in 6 weeks!

Love and light,
Jungie Poo

2004-10-16T03:20:00.000-07:00

Hi, there,

Yes, it is past 3:00 in the morning. I fell asleep on my sofa, woke up, talked on the phone with my boyfriend who called me after his comedy set at a club in Sacramento, and heck, decided to check my e-mail and update my blog. You know, a typical early Saturday to-do list, eh?

I did a standup comedy set at "The Rebels of Comedy" show at the El Dorado again yesterday (Friday). It went really well for me. The audience was a bit odd and serious. But, I learned from Steve and Barb North (my former comedy coaches) that you should never let an audience's mood negatively affect your comedy. In fact, you should get so good that you can make any audience laugh. In other words, it's never the audience's fault if you bomb. So, I tried to be neutral to the fact that the audience didn't seem to be having a great time. I got up there, smiled and plowed ahead with my routine. It went really well. I felt very comfortable up there. I improvised quite a few laughs by reacting to what was happening in the audience. Matt, my friend who's a comic and was also performing that night, said that I did an amazing job. He said each time he sees me perform, I'm better and better. He said the audience laughed a lot and that I was really amazing up there. I watched the videotape and I do seem to have a newfound confidence or "ease" up there. The host, the bartender and some of the other comics also said I did a great job. I was really happy that I didn't let the mood of the audience affect my set, and instead, I helped put the audience into the mood to laugh.

My creative mind is so preoccupied right now though with making my one-woman show a reality. I am soooo excited about developing it. Performing Cherry Ho in front of an audience and having it work so well really makes me so eager to get it all ready and perform it in a completed format. I watched the tape again of my performance and I noticed for the first time that the audience not only laughed, they also really reacted and responded to things Cherry said that were poignant. They would go "Awww" or makes gasps of shock or indignation when she'd talk about something bad that happened. In other words, they were really right there with her, living her experiences. THAT, my friends, is truly a sign that people are loving a character onstage. She's not just a source of humor. She becomes a reflection of their own lives. She touches them, via her humor, on a deeper level. It's so damn satisfying! THIS is my purpose in life, folks. Really.

I'm going to build my show around a spiritual theme. I can't wait! I feel so happy and alive when I think about how it's going to work and the joy my characters will bring to people. It's really Divinely created and I'm just the humble vehicle. I know that sounds crazy but I truly feel that in my gut. There are so many deep and poignant things my characters are going to express, in their funny, humorous and silly ways. People have no idea how much ministry I am going to give, in the guise of kooky, off-the-wall characters! Buddha bless ya! Amen and all that crap!

Love,
Me

2004-10-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about love, baby.

But, first---Well, well, well, it's been a long time. September was a slow, but good month. The pilot had a live show and we all did pretty well in front of an audience.

October has been pretty eventful (and it isn't even half-over yet!)
I have been writing different pieces for my one-woman show and last night, I got my first opportunity to perform part of it. Frances Callier and Angela Shelton organized a show called Pissed at The Second City Studio Theater. It was a show with different people ranting about something that bothers them, and an improv piece. I decided to do a few minutes ranting about the lack of spirituality in this world and the LAPD. I did the new character I'm working on, Cherry Ho--a woman from Thailand with a heart of gold. She has a questionable criminal background and describes her sordid ways of making money as "ministry." Anyway, I did great. The audience seemed to love her and really laughed a lot. Half of my monologue was improvised so it was wonderful to discover what the audience really responded to. I watch the videotape I made of it, and honestly, it cracked me up too! This character is gold, really. She is so easy for me to become, and she has a lot to say. So, now, I'm really really enthusiastic and re-inspired to finish writing my one-woman show and put it up somewhere.

I did some standup this month at this show at the El Dorado in Brentwood. My brother Richard and some friends came out to see me--it was such a wonderful night! I had a great set. I really killed.

I'm in a sketch comedy show at The Second City that runs Saturdays and closes the first Saturday in November. I got 4 really diverse characters to do--a film noir girl, a fresh-off-the-boat Asian girlfriend, a butch, militant lesbian talk show guest, and a straightlaced housewife. One of the writers of the sketch show commented that the show was like a "Jung Tour de Force." Unfortunately, the director had to cut 2 of the sketches and rotate them because of time. Now, those will run only 1 time at some of the shows. At first, my ego was disappointed because I was thinking, "How will people see my range with those 2 scenes cut?" But, I took a step back, and realized it doesn't matter. I will put 100% into the scenes I have, no matter what.

...okay, here's the love part....

Okay, I know this blog is about comedy, but let's talk about love. That's what's on my brain right now. I was doing standup this month and that night, I met my boyfriend, TK, who's also a comic as well as a producer of various comedy shows. (---post note: Sorry, folks, to anyone who already read my original post here. I decided to edit this section out because I'm getting too much attention on it and I don't want to "jinx" something wonderful, if ya know what I mean---).

Here's some love advice:

Hey, if there are any single girls reading this blog, this is my bit of advice for you--Always check in with how you FEEL around some guy. If he makes you feel cherished and happy, then he is right for you. Even if he doesn't seem to be your type, or is someone you'd never ordinarily consider. Also, someone else may be totally compatible with you on paper, or theoretically, but in reality, is terrible for you. Because, I've realized that the most important thing about being with the right person, is to check how you FEEL around that person.

You know, I truly believe that the reason my boyfriend came into my life is that I took action to bring in the kind of man I was looking for. I also used the tools of active manifestation. I stopped dating men who were emotionally unable to be with someone as loving as I am. I announced to several people that I was available and to set me up with anyone they thought was compatible with me. I joined several new age dating web sites. I stayed on eharmony.com (which, by the way, has been a pretty disappointing experience). I talked to a Buddhist relationship coach and committed to working with her. In fact, after talking to her by phone, I made an appointment and agreed to work with her for 3 months. Of course, right after I set up an appointment with her, I met my boyfriend! I called her and told her I had to cancel my appointments. She was happy for me and told me that if I ever needed her services, give her a call. So, you see, I just basically "put it out there" that I was available and looking for the right man. I also decided I would put time and attention it, just as I do for all my other projects and goals. And, my wish came back to me really quickly.

Lately, because I've been listening and absorbing the lessons from Abraham-Hicks on their CD's, taking this class at Agape Church of Religious Science, and absorbing information from movies, books, etc., I've noticed that I have been able to manifest my wishes quicker.
It's especially evident in my love life.

Also, a few weeks ago, I had the STRANGEST dream. I dreamt that I was walking around town with some boyfriend (he looked like RC but wasn't really RC. He was actually someone else. Who? I don't know). Anyway, in the dream, we approached a bus that exploded. In the dream, I died. I had been killed by the explosion. But, even though I died, I was still in the same physical body and form. I went about my day as though nothing happened. My boyfriend and parents still treated me the same. Yet, they *knew* I had died. They were just tenderly humoring me until I realized it myself. It was such a weirdly poignant dream. Those around me loved me so much that they didn't want to break the news to me. And, in the dream, I held on to the fragile illusion that I was still alive, still the same. But, the illusion was breaking apart, and I had moments of incredible sadness that I would never be with my boyfriend or family again in the same way. Then, I was in some women's restroom with a guardian angel figure. I was like a ghost. I walked up to some of the people there and said, "Hi!" None of them could see me, but some of them said, "Hi?" and then looked around at who said it. Others didn't hear me at all. Then, I had a second dream where I was reading a script with someone else and I told them, "look you have to read this part and I'll read this other part, but it really doesn't matter. In reality, you and I are one and the same."

Weird, eh? For the next few days after that dream, I kept checking back in with myself. Am I dead? Am I alive? Okay, these people can see me, I must still be alive! I feel like I crossed the veil into another dimension of awareness and beingness. Whew! I just said that New Age-y statement, and I don't even smoke pot!

Love,
Me

2004-08-31T14:05:00.000-07:00

One of the most amazing things in that movie, "What the Bleep Do We Know" is this notion that, all around us is infinite possibility and our "reality" doesn't take shape or focus until we focus on a possibility. That's deep and I've been processing that realization lately. The movie also asks us, with all this possibility around us, why do we re-create the same problems, issues, relationships, etc., every day? Do you realize the implications of such awareness that it is actually our deliberate choice to live the same day every day? Damn, that's deep, folks.

I've been consciously creating more paid comedy gigs. Flow, this comic out in the San Bernardino area e-mailed me out of the blue last week and asked me if I wanted to perform at this private party at a small bar in Rialto. It'd pay $25 bucks or something like that and I would do about 10 minutes of standup. I said, Sure! It turned out to be a really fun experience. The manager at the bar was really nice. The bar was part of Herman's Restaurant. It totally seemed like a small-town bar out of the deep South. Everyone knew everyone else and everyone was super-welcoming and warm. The party was for the manager's boyfriend. It was his birthday and it was a surprise party. They also have karaoke there every night. And those folks can SING! There were three comics performing--me, Flow and a guy named Randy. I had a a great set. I felt relaxed and people loved my jokes! They even knew where Calexico was! The manager gave us an extra ten bucks for gas and said she wanted to have us come back and perform. Flow, Randy and I even got the courage to sing some songs. Man, we were so bad! But, it was fun. Don't you love when you go somewhere and unexpectedly, you have a great time? It was one of those times.

I did my second and last show with the Orange County Crazies Plus troupe in Santa Ana on Saturday night. We actually had a great show. On the drive home that night, I had a total inspiration for a new character, Cherry Ho. All these ideas for a one-woman show, formatted like a talk show, came to my head. I started writing it down that night. I'm going to look for a good theater to put it up in and I'm going to create a whole web site for her too. It's weird, but it's very easy for me to get into that character and "be" her. She's based on an amalgam of different Asian females I know, as well as a sendup of stereotypes you see in comedy and t.v. about Asian women. I showed one side of her a little bit when I did my nail salon character for an improv sketch in the OC Crazies Plus show. Cherie, our director, wanted us to do an improv scene that takes place in a nail salon where the Asian manicurists pretend not to understand the customers and are all fake-polite to them. The audience loved the scene. It's funny too because I chose to use an accent I created before--a generic Asian-y accent that takes a bit of every accent and mixes it up. I think it's my subtle subversive way of mocking Asian stereotypes or comics who imitate Asians. I taught part of that generic accent to Aileen, the other girl playing the other manicurist in the scene. Someone told me the scene we did reminded them of a character on MadTV. I'll have to check it out because I have to make sure my character doesn't resemble that one. But, I don't think she will. My psychic friend Randy told me that she's seen that character and my character doesn't seem like the MadTV one. Good!

I'm supposed to meet this woman who has her own local cable access t.v. talk show, or radio show. She might want to interview me.

I'll keep you posted.

Love and light,
Me

2004-08-25T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hey, if you're ever unemployed, self-obsessed and bored, do an online search of your own name! I plugged my name into yahoo.com and I found the most random stuff. Like, apparently, I'm on some web site that lists and discusses lawyers who are also poets! I was like, what the heck? (um, I'm writing nicer cuss words now so my written word can be as clean as my spoken word, heh heh) It was actually pretty cool. I guess the guy who runs the site regularly searches online for lawyers who are poets and then lists them on his site. It's at: http://www.wvu.edu/~lawfac/jelkins/lp-2001/intro/contemp_pt2.html

I just did an audition for some comedy show pilot for Oxygen. The casting director was really nice. My agent thought I was a shoo-in for the part because the CD's assistant was very enthusiastic about my training and knew all the people I'd worked with. The casting director was nice and told me when she came to get me from the waiting room, "Now, the camera's going to be rolling from the moment you walk in. And they want LOTS of PERSONALITY. LOTS of PERSONALITY." Ugh. I know she was trying to help me make a positive impression, but, man, whenever someone tells me that, I just freeze. BE FUNNY! C'mon BE SPONTANEOUS! BE INTERESTING! It's hard for me to show something when someone TELLS me I have to show it. The producers or two guys associated with the show were sitting in the back. I already felt my face freeze with my big "PERSONALITY" smile. They asked me a few questions, etc. I did my read and they didn't laugh at all! Man, so much for my PERSONALITY....

The casting director made a point of making eye contact with me at the end of my read though and telling me, "That was VERY nice. Really good job." I asked Patti, the other agent at my agency later what that was all about. Patti thinks maybe the casting director knew the producers weren't going to go with me, but she wanted to make sure I knew I had done a good read anyway. Who knows? I've been trying to figure out lately what casting directors mean when they compliment you. I know that when I did a few auditions in the East Coast, it seemed like if they said something complimentary they really meant it, and it meant a callback for sure. I don't know if it's the same here. Note to self: ask around about this....

As I was leaving the building and walking out of the studio, this very familiar blonde woman stopped me and asked where the casting director's office was. She looked really familiar. I realized it was this girl from Last Comic Standing. I don't remember her name but her comedy is about being a mid-Western farm-country girl and how that makes her appear butch-y. She's really funny. I saw her perform at some showcase in Culver City or somewhere a few months ago. I noticed on her envelope she had written, "Female Tomboy Comic." I guess she was self-submitting for the same comedy pilot. Small world.

I went on another audition for a SAG experimental film. It seems like it'd be fun to do. It's about a woman who ventures into online dating after not having dated for awhile. Heck, I could play that! Hello, real life. I might look too young to play the part. I don't know. Could I look too young to play my own life? It's like the assistant CD on Judging Amy who told my agent that I seemed "too sweet" to play a believeable lawyer. Ha ha. The irony...

Our rehearsal workshop for the variety/improv show pilot The Chase Matthews Show, went well. I am learning so much from it, even though at the time, it's intense and tiring to process so much info into my brain! I've actually noticed that the skills I'm learning from the workshops (we've been going every week for like two months or so now!) have totally improved my ability to create characters instantly for auditions. It's funny because, during the actual workshop, I feel like sometimes I'm in my head. I think that relates to the fact that it's all improv so it can be overwhelming to instantly pick and choose a character. But, outside of the workshop, like in the rehearsals for the Writing 5 sketch show at Second City, or in comedy-related auditions, where I have a script or a sketch to work from (so I have some pre-set guidelines for a character), I am able to pick a few physical mannerisms, a voice, a center of movement in the body, and BOOM! let the character live. Also, we did an exercise in the beginning of class where we visualized someone who had talked to us and we stepped in and out of that character. John Michalski, our director, commented that we all did really well in that exercise--that our eyes reflected that character we'd adopted. I took on the persona of this funny motorcycle-riding guy who struck up a conversation with me at Kinko's. He said he was part of the Wild Bunch or something like that. A group of bikers who act in film and t.v. He had a long scraggly beard, tattoos and was very chatty.

I saw this amazing movie, What the Bleep Do We Know, for the 2nd time this week. I totally am processing this realization that there is an infinite sea of possibility for my life out there and the path it takes doesn't come into focus until I focus it or I choose what will happen. Heavy!

*deleted**

Love and light,
Me

2004-08-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

*deleted**

Let's see. Um, I didn't end up doing that AFI spec commercial because they went with a 60 year old Asian lady instead. But the guy who auditioned me said I was awesome and he'll keep me in mind for other projects. Cool.

I performed comedy last Saturday for a benefit, Women for a Cause. It was at El Guapo Cantina in West Hollywood. The crowd was actually smaller than I anticipated, but it was a relatively easy 5 minutes. It was a little odd to do my comedy in-between these long acoustic singer/songwriter sets. I think it's hard for the audience sometimes to transition too. But, I did my time and then left. One of the sponsors of the event donated all-natural clothing to all the performers. I can honestly say, that was the first time I performed standup in a black mini-dress made of 100% hemp.

Earlier that Saturday, I went to audition for the sketch show that the final writing class, Level 5, puts on at Second City Training Center, L.A. The audition was so much fun! To tell you the truth, I really didn't think I was going to be cast, so I had a free and easy attitude about the whole thing. I think they loved my improvised aspiring supermodel character who was practically "born" on the runway. Anyway, I found out that they picked me for the show, and in fact, I went to the first rehearsal this past Saturday. It was actually a review of musical improv technique by Michael Pollock, the musical director at Second City L.A. We got up and improvised songs in different styles. Nerve-wracking but exhilarating. The sketch show will run in October so that gives us a lot of time to prepare. The only downside is that I no longer have my Saturdays free from now until the end of October.

Oh, so I auditioned for a lawyer role on "Judging Amy" last week. The assistant CD over at 20th Century Fox had me read for her. I had done this whole Method thing and also prepp'ed a whole biography, etc. for the character. Also, I know a lot of lawyers and I used that information to flesh out the character's nuances. I dressed for the part and even wore (painful) pumps. Did that help? Hmmm, who knows? The character is doing a direct exam of her own witness, so I figured she'd be compassionate but detached. The CD wanted me to do it tougher and more matter-of-fact. So I did that on my 2nd read. She said, "Good. That's the kind of read we're looking for. Nice job." So, my agent told me later that, though they liked me and liked my read, they thought I came across too sweet to be a lawyer and went with someone who could play her tougher. Ha ha! Ah, the irony. A lawyer who can't play a lawyer convincingly--that's moi. Too funny. My old co-workers would laugh if I told them about this since they used to call me a "pit bull" of an attorney and I was notorious for having defense attorneys call and refuse to deal with me because they thought I was too tough. Ha ha, indeed.

I saw an amazing movie called "What the bleep Do We Know" about quantam physics, spirituality, reality, etc. Very thought-provoking. I loved the part where they discussed experiments by Dr. Masaru Emoto where he directed certain energies and thoughts at water molecules and then photographed what happened to the water molecules. Basically, when the water had positive thoughts directed at it, it formed beautiful crystalline shapes. When it had negative thoughts directed at it, it formed ugly, odd shapes. The movie points out, think of the effect of our thoughts on ourselves and the fact that we are made up of mostly water. Hmm. Very true.

This Saturday (8/14), I did 15 minutes of standup comedy at a private housewarming party in Rancho Cucamonga. Terrence, this comic I know from that area, booked me for that show. They had a stage, mic, and everything. It was a bit strange, actually, to perform at someone's home, even though they set it up like a club, with chairs all around the stage and a bar in the back. I think there were at least 60 people there. There were some young kids sitting in the front, so all the comics kept it clean. This woman was videotaping the whole show. This funny Latino comic, Francisco, was really bothered by that. I have to admit, I agreed with him. I got 25 bucks for doing that show. Hey, at least I got paid something, right?

Tomorrow I have an audition for a Citibank commercial so I gotta gets me beauty sleep, kids.

Speaking of beauty, I'm in the 2nd week of this South Beach diet I'm doing and it's been going well. Thank goodness I cut back on my sugar intake again. Also, I've been pretty good about doing Bikram yoga almost every day and I definitely feel a difference!

Nighty night!
--Me

2004-08-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

Hello, again! Long time, no write! Warning: this blog entry is going to be looooong 'cuz I got a lot to say today!

On Wednesday night, I MC'ed this acoustic singer/songwriter show that my friend Amy organized. It was at a bar called Tempest on Santa Monica Blvd. It's pretty cool in there. I had never been there before. I was a bit spacey when I got there. It was a dimly-lit, red-hued club. The people there initially were mostly the performers and some seemed a bit nervous. It felt a bit serious there. I started to do a bit of my comedy before introducing the first act, but I definitelygot a vibe from the audience that they weren't really in the mood and just wanted to get the music stuff started. So, I had decided initially just to introduce the various acts and not do my standup material. But unexpectedly, between Amy and her friend's set, they needed more time to set up so I just started riff-ing and doing some material. It got some good laughs.

A pleasant surprise is that my agent, Dr. Petree, showed up. Amy signed with him too and I guess this is the second show he's seen. Later, Patti and Ron, two other people from DGP showed up. It was great to see them. They all seem more like friends I met at some New Age retreat than my agents.

Earlier on Wednesday, I went over to AFI on Western Ave. and auditioned for a spec commercial. I was playing an irate Korean laundry owner. It was actually a lot of fun to do, and I think the director/student guy was impressed by all the funny nuances I gave the character (thank you, Second City conservatory!) I have a good feeling about this opportunity too. One of the guys I auditioned with took my headshot and resume too because he said he was involved in a project that might need a funny Asian girl. Networking, networking, networking! It's what it's all about.

So, I need to make some extra money today, legally. No, seriously, I mean legally. So, I appeared for an attorney at his client's minor's comp. hearing (it's where the judge approves how funds are disbursed for a minor plaintiff). Anyway, before my hearing, there was a contentious hearing on a conservatorship for this old, senile man. I guess his daughters were fighting over who was going to take care of him. It was really really sad. On one side were the 3 sisters without an attorney. They were in shorts, penciled eyebrows, and big hair. On the other side were the 2 sisters with their fancy lawyers. No coincidence that they were dressed in elegant dark suits and First Lady bouffant hairdos. The judge granted temporary conservatorship of the person and estate to the bouffant sisters. One of the big-haired ones asked the judge if that means that she can't talk to her father without the other sister's permission. The judge said yes. Then, she asked if she can't visit him without the other sister's permission. The judge told her, "Basically you have to get permission from your sister for everything." When she started to object, the judge interrupted her and said, "What part of everything don't you understand? Everything means everything." They got very upset and walked out crying.

The suited sisters asked the court for a bailiff to escort them to their cars because they feared for their safety. The senile dad sat very quietly. He looked like a softer version of Abe Vigoda. It was all so very very sad--that a family that all seemed to love their father had to take it to this level. I don't know their history but I hope those big-haired gals get a lawyer to help them figure this all out.
*deleted**

2004-07-20T00:19:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend, I performed standup at Hornblower's Comedy Club, Friday night and 2 shows Saturday night. It's up in Ventura, about 1 hour north and west of L.A. (right by the water). It's a great club. Keith, the owner, and all the staff there are really nice and welcoming. I didn't have to MC, like I did last time I worked there, so that was a relief. I only did ten minutes though. But, I felt "on." It was a lot of fun to riff off of the audience a bit and also to use my improv skills to make up stuff as I was standing up there. The first night, Friday night, I was up there and I flubbed one of my setup lines, which usually goes, "So, does anyone speak Spanish?" But, I said, "Does anyone speak English?" Whoops! But, I quickly covered my mistake by saying, "Whoops! Sorry, that's my L.A. joke." That got a laugh. Also, I asked people if they also had a tattoo and NO ONE had one! So, I just ad-libbed, Man, that gets a huge response in Compton, but the tattoos are usually around here (I gestured under my eyes). That got a good laugh too. It's fun learning how to just chat with the audience and to vibe off of them. I notice all the seasoned comics do it and do it well. The feature was a guy named Danny Villalpando and the headliner was a guy named B.T. Both were pretty funny. I was impressed by how they seemed to make up stuff too, improvise in reaction to the audience. At the Saturday show, one of the audience members asked me and B.T. for our autographs. That was cool. I LOVE signing autographs (well, not that I've signed many so far. I think so far, it's been under 10 of 'em, but hey, who's counting : ) )
The weekend was very rejuvenating, in terms of my standup comedy. I feel inspired to do it again. I got a bunch of material floating around in my head that I need to write down. Okay I'm inspired again, in small part, due to the fact that I got paid and it's always motivating to get paid for your creative work! I videotaped all my sets and I think I have a good demo tape from it. I need to send a tape out to quite a few clubs and people, including someone who does diversity casting stuff for one of the big networks (friend of a friend. Isn't that how it always works?)

I just got the Alumni Magazine thing from my law school, UC Davis. It was weird to read about my classmates. A lot of them still live in the same area. Still all lawyers. I kind of wish I hadn't sent my bio because when I read it, I sounded like such a freak compared to them! Oh, well. At least I'm being honest about myself and what I'm up to. If folk think I'm crazy, so be it.

Love and light,

Me

2004-07-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hello, again!

I just got an enzyme peel done on my face. Actually, it wasn't too bad. I thought it'd really hurt and make my face all red and blotchy. It stung a bit and my face felt really tight, but other than that, I was no Extreme Makeover guest, although I saw this woman in the waiting room who must've gotten some intense laser facial because her face was all gooped up and she kept asking for more moist towels for her face. Despite that, I'm gonna go back in 3 weeks and get the strong melt-yo-face peel. Ah, the self-obsessed world of L.A. vanity--if you can't beat them, join them.

Keith, the manager over at Hornblower's Comedy Club in Ventura, called me this week, to see if I wanted to be the opening comic this weekend. I get $150. Not bad. I did it last year, so it'll be fun to go again. Plus, it's a real club, not some crappy open mic or weird L.A. showcase with a cuh-raaaazy host. I've decided I'm going to do less standup comedy but in better venues. Quality, not quantity. I don't think getting up in crappy open mics really helps me. It's just depressing. And when it's just other comics milling about, it's hard to tell if a new bit is even working, ya know? I was watching the Asian showcase at the Improv and I ran into this other Korean girl comic, Nancy Lee. She's really cool. I like her. Unlike some other Asian female comics I've met, she 's not competitive or bitchy, but genuinely supportive. I think she and I both realize that there's enough success out "there" for all of us. Her success doesn't take away from mine and vice versa, ya know? Everyone's path is unique and individual anyway.

Last night was the third rehearsal for the sketch and improv group I joined in Orange County. Actually, last night was surprisingly really fun. Last week's rehearsal had been really tense where two of the members kind of argued with the director. I just kept sitting there thinking, WHAT am I doing here? This is weird.

Luckily, I decided to keep an open mind and see what happens. The director suggested we do an improv bit where I'm a manicurist (is that a real word?) and we get someone from the audience. We "practiced" the scene and it was pretty f**kin' hilarious. One of the good things about this group is that it's making me realize that funny sketches don't have to be intellectual or life-changing. Sometimes, the sillier, the better. It's like remembering to be a kid again and just have fun. Also, I wasn't in my head (like I sometimes get in the workshops for the improv pilot) so it was very easy and liberating. The funny thing is that my character probably worked because she's a lot like me--this dichotomy of deeply Asian-spiritual and American-superficial.

Our sketch/improv show is going (I got tired of writing "gonna") to be Sat. July 31st. I'm pretty excited about it. I LOVE being onstage and performing for a real audience. It's a great little theater too. The director is going to see if her video guy can tape it so we can all get a copy. You know, whatever happens in rehearsal, whatever, it's all worth it when those lights come on and I step out there, performing. Not always, but often, I feel this surge of energy come through me and go out to the audience. It's like a golden sun-like energy. I'm obsessed with being in that state of existence and sharing it with others. I don't really know how to describe that ecstasy, that feeling of happiness. It's just magical.

Actually, Paula, this psychic I know, told me that my most recent past life was as a vaudeville star. I was a man in that lifetime and grew up in a Vaudeville family that traveled around and performed. I was from the midwest. She said my name started with an "H." I did a few silent films. She said that feeling of magic I'm obsessed with right now is the feeling of Divine love I had or experienced in that Vaudeville family. It was something that I shared with the audiences back then and that I want to share with myself and audiences today. You know, I'm a psychic and I do all this new age stuff, but even I sometimes get skeptical about all this past life stuff. BUT, when she started talking about this vaudevillian past life of mine, I felt my heart racing and I got lightheaded. It was like my spirit was going to jump out of my skin. It just felt so true and real. All my life I've been obsessed with bringing back the magic of vaudeville. Kind of an odd thought for an Korean-born girl growing up in a Mexican border town, no? I think I'll go to the public library downtown and look at a few books on vaudeville. Paula said that our eyes never change from lifetime to lifetime, which I find fascinating! That's why we can recognize people today that we knew in past lives.   So, I bet if I look at photos of some of these vaudeville stars, I might see my own past self. THAT would be really a trip!

I'm taking this amazing class at Santa Monica college, about jazz and pop music harmonies. We're starting to analyze songs like the Beatles, "Yesterday" It's really exciting to learn about typical jazz chords, rhythms and progressions. I noticed that the stuff I'm learning in all these music classes takes a while to "gel" in my brain. Now, all the stuff from last semester's music theory and piano classes is totally making sense. The best thing is that I'm finally feeling an urge to write songs again. I wrote a few lines of a new song and it just naturally came to be in G flat major. I think I'll call it "Why Don't You Tell Me ...." Then, I'm gonna add a bunch of these damn 9th and 13th chords! Ha! I love music so much and I totally am obsessed with singing my songs. I think I'll force myself to go do an acoustic open mic next month. Maybe Unurban Coffeehouse? Hmm, random thought, I just realized the only copy I have of my song Oxygen, that I wrote is in the music notebook that I lost last semester. I think I can notate it from memory. Just hope whoever found the notebook thinks the song sucks and doesn't steal it!

There's an interesting Women for A Cause event on August 7th. It's mostly female acoustic singer/songwriters, but I'll be doing some comedy (only five minutes) in between. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe in the future, I'll be ready to share my music with others and I'll do one of these events.

I think it's really an Aquarian thing too--this whole obsession with wanting to create music and songs. Okay, note to self--clean home office to set up music studio stuff and learn all that MIDI stuff by end of August!

Argh, so many creative projects and only one lifetime!

Love and light,
Me

2004-06-26T01:50:00.000-07:00

It's really late but before I go to sleep I want to write a few things.

The second workshop in preparation for the comedy pilot was great, just like the first workshop. I am learning so much from this director and the other people in the group. Improv is becoming so much less effort for me. Also, I have an audition Monday for an improv group in Orange County, the Orange County Crazies. Their theater is really close to my old law office's main office! Ironic.

So, I went and did standup at this pool hall in San Bernardino last Friday. Flow is the host that books it and he's really nice. He booked me and Matt (the artist formerly known in this blog as Mark*) so Matt drove us to the comedy thing. It was funny because on the way there, the carpool lane was merging and the car right next to us turned out to be Matt's co-worker and friend. Very weird coincidence--what're the odds of that happening?

The pool hall was interesting, if a little bleak and undecorated (no-frills, for sure). We got to do close to 10 minutes. There weren't a lot of people in the audience, but they were mostly receptive.

Ah, but I feel so ambivalent about doing standup comedy lately! Maybe it's the wrong focus for me. Every time I'm around standup comics and clubs, it's a bit depressing (with the exception of a few people, like Matt and other comics I've seen who are generally bright). Most standup comics I see at various shows make me feel sad for them. They seem like really really unhappy people. Most of them are totally unhealthy-looking too. It makes me distracted. I look at their auras, their overweight bodies. I listen to their humor which is mostly negative or insulting others. What's the point of all of that? Even Margaret Cho, who I usually like, is so judgmental in her humor. Me and RC* went to see two comedy shows tonight--one was the musical improv show at Improv Olympic West and the other was a Latino comics' showcase at the Hollywood Improv. The musical improv show was wonderful. They were really "on" tonight. Michael Pollock, the musical director at Second City L.A., and teacher of the musical improv classes I took at Second City was playing the keyboard tonight. The improvisers were bright, funny, talented and had great stage presence. It was very fun to watch.

For some odd reason, I ran into a lot of people I know. I saw a bunch of people from Second City. I ran into a girl who's also part of the group picked for the improv comedy pilot and workshop. I ran into Luis, this guy I know from the musical improv classes (gosh almost a year ago!) who told me he'd just been thinking about me and had read my blog a few days ago. Luis, are you reading this right now!?! Isn't it fun to be addressed directly?

Anyway, so RC* and I go to the Improv and catch the Latino comedy showcase. Most of the people were all right. Ah, but the co-host who took the stage in the second half was so irritating. He's probably a nice guy in person, but his whole set consisted of harassing people in the audience. And THAT is a personal pet peeve of mine. I can't stand when people pick on audience members too much. It's unprofessional, it's not funny and it's a crutch. Plus, he just did so many hacked and stereotypical bits. I actually feel HOSTILE when I'm forced to watch that unoriginal stuff. The ironic thing is that RC* pointed out that he looks like a Latino version of Damon Wayans. Which he did! Now, if he'd talked about THAT, that would've been funny! I kind of felt bad at the end of the show when he came up to everyone in the back, including me and RC* to shake our hands, saying "Thanks for coming to the show." I ignored him and refused to shake his hand. I know it was rude but I can't be fake. His style, his picking on the audience--it's all so offensive to me.

It was just like last night, or rather Thursday night, when me and Lauren (this friend of mine who I met when I did Steve and Barb North's comedy workshops and shows) went to Furama Hotel in Marina del Rey to catch the comedy showcase there. Most of the people were funny, including Yoshi, this very funny Asian guy and some blond woman who was on last season's Last Comic Standing. She's like a tomboyish farm girl from Wisconsin. Anyway, there was (woah, I was going to write "this short" and instead I wrote "shit" ha ha talk about Freudian slip!) this short comic who said he was half-Latino or something. He was really annoying. He talked really really loudly. I had to stuff my ears with paper. He also kept harassing the audience (why do bad comics do that? Note to self--draw Venn diagrams sometime about audience harassment and bad comics) He saw two blond chicks and went on for like 5 minutes about how he wanted to get with them. After the show, Lauren and I talked to the host. He was bragging about how many comics were chatting him up to get a spot in the showcase. So odd. Total big fish in small pond syndrome.

Last night and tonight, I felt drained and sad after watching the standup comics! Isn't that weird? Whereas (yeah, I've seen too many legal documents), I felt happy when I saw the musical improv show tonight. But, especially last night, as I was driving home, I felt so weird about the world of standup comics. They creep me out. Also, most of their humor is so negative and dark. I also don't know if I want to do my stuff in clubs or bars. Anyway, as I was driving home, I was stopped at a light and Lauren was to my left. So I honked and waved. She waved back. The funny thing is that the driver to my right honked. I looked over and he smiled and waved at me too. He was in a car with a bunch of passengers--maybe all students from Loyola Marymount. He was so bubbly and happy that it totally lifted my spirits and made me happy. I rolled down my window and he beamed and said, "nice car!" He had the same car as mine. He goes, "is it a 2002?" I said "Yes." He said, "mine's a 2001!" The light turned green, they all beamed and waved and left. I was laughing. It was the most random but uplifting moment. I suddenly felt very positive again. It was a sign, I think, to remember that my purpose is to make people feel happy and smile, just like that guy did for me. Very simple but powerful.

When RC* was waiting at a red light on Highland tonight on our way to Improv Olymic West, I saw another man in his blue car (waiting in the opposite direction of traffic) with his windows rollled down, and he also had the biggest smile on his face. He must've sensed me staring because he looked over. He smiled. I felt like a little kid watching a fire truck with heroic firemen on it drive by. I couldn't help it. I smiled and waved. He waved back! It was so cute. It made me feel happy. Joy is such a gift. Just seeing someone look happy makes everyone around them happy. I think Wayne Dyer mentions that.

Yeah, maybe my Path doesn't necessarily involve standup comedy. I don't want to be compared all the time to Margaret Cho either. I think my niche and what brings me the most joy is performing improv and sketch comedy. I like performing in coffeehouses or theaters. I just want to talk to an audience, love them, and share with them. I don't want to bitch about stupid things or make fun of people. Can I be positive and still be funny? We'll see!

RC* and I walked along Hollywood Blvd. to get to Improv Olympic West. On our way there, this guy, with blinking lights strewn around his neck and armfuls of withering roses, said, "C'mon, want to stir up some romance? How about it? How about it?" or something like that. It was a bit awkward so I just joked, pointing to RC* and I said as a joke, "He's my brother!" (hello! RC* is Latino and I'm obviously Asian!) The roses guy exclaimed, "Hey, none of that Kentucky shit!" and stomped away. Funny! Oh, and then as we were approaching the theater, this guy walked by me and I think he said, "Slant!" I think he did. I heard some guy say something but it wasn't until he passed me that I registered that he might have said that. Isn't that weird and random? I wasn't even mad. I don't know if RC* heard him but I decided it wasn't even worth asking him about because I wasn't pissed off. I guess it's because I realized (1) hey, I got eyelids, dude, and (2) if someone insults me it really has nothing to do with me personally. Besides, if I actually heard him before he walked by, I'd have had to seriously kick his ass and cause a scene. And THAT, definitely would have ruined my night, not to mention my makeup! ha ha

Love & Light,

Me

*names have been shortened to protect the innocent--namely, me!

2004-06-17T01:22:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Yep, I'm up late. That's what happens when you don't have a horrible 9 to 5 job to go to the next day! Well, technically today, since it's 1:00 a.m.

Today (well, yesterday) was amazing. My friend Beto and I went to an industry preview of "Before Sunset" the sequel to "Before Sunrise" with Ethan Hawke, Julie Delphy. The screening room had the softest, plushest seats in the back. I sat in one and almost instantly fell asleep!

I'd never seen the first movie so I was worried I'd be bored. I was really moved by the movie! It was really beautiful. I didn't think I would enjoy a movie that was set in real-time, had tons of mostly dialogue. But I was. It rang so true and the characters had so much chemistry. It was like a real and smart and subtle version of a romantic comedy. The acting was superb. I mean, I was so amazed at how they captured that sense of spontaneous, excited but nervous chatter that two people do, especially two people who have so much they want to say, but cover it up with lighthearted banter. I forgot I was watching actors. Very very good acting.

So, the crazy coincidence is that after the movie, Beto wanted to eat dinner (well, that's not the coincidence, but bear with me). We drove our separate cars to Zen Grille. I was a bit in a bad mood because Beto uncharacteristically talked to this person next to him and I felt left out of the conversation, then I couldn't find any damn parking. I still carry that non-L.A. habit of not using valet parking and instead, driving around and around, looking for the perfect parking spot. I finally gave in and used the valet.

So, yeah, the coincidence--me and Beto are sitting and talking about the movie. He's totally inspired by it because he's working on his own screenplay and film idea, which involves lots of dialogue. Other people, including his ex who had some screenplays already optioned, told him to cut all of that out, that it would never work. But, we just saw a movie with all dialogue and it was fantastic. So, it was like a message from the universe to him.

For, me, the movie was like a reminder about soulmates and being with someone who is connected to you and is meant for you. Yeah, that person is going to find me and I'm going to find him. And, I know it's going to be when I am completely immersed in and enthralled by my successful performing (aka ministry) life.

Oh, god, someone stop me with all this rambling. So, anyway, we're sitting in the back of the restaurant and I'm facing the door. No sooner did Beto and I talk about how the movie was a sign from the universe, then the restaurant door opens and JULIE DELPHY walks in! It was sooooo weird. I mean I know it's L.A., and all that, but just the timing of her walking into the restaurant (and it was late too, like 10 pm) right after we'd talked and seen this movie. Very weird.

So, she comes in and is sitting by herself at the back counter, ordering. I really want to talk to her about the movie, but I generally am loath to "chat up" celebrities. It seems demeaning. But, maybe it's just my ego because I see myself as a celebrity (I'm just waiting for the world to recognize me as one too!) and I want to give my "peers" some respect. Beto really wants to talk to her too. I finally stand up to talk to her, but then feel embarrassed so I pretend I have to go to the bathroom and walk to the bathroom. I know Beto won't be able to resist and sure enough by the time I get back to our table, he's talking to her. I tell her we saw her movie. She asks me what I thought of it. I told her I loved it and it was really beautiful. She seems a bit tired but appreciative. I told her that I was really impressed by the acting. She said they worked really hard on it. So, that pretty much ended my banter. Me and Beto sat down and telepathically sent one another post-its to "discuss later significance of this all!"

I went to the first workshop Tuesday for that comedy pilot. It was amazing. I just can't believe the universe gave me my wish so fast. I am learning so much from the director/producer, who is a phenomenal improv teacher. The other people seem really nice and talented and the star is super-sweet and nice. Apparently, all of us called back will be part of the show. How much we'll be in it and all that will be worked out later.

Never say never. I think I will do some easy, brainless lawyer work to earn some extra cash. I really want to take Gene Bua's acting classes next month and stuff at Groundlings. Hmm, I wonder if call girls make the same decisions--"If I do this Joe and that Joe, I can save up and buy that new carburetor?" ...

Oh, by the way, I just read Margaret Cho's blog. Parts of it are really interesting and insightful. I do think she's amazing, but honestly, after a while, her constant criticisms and assumptions that everything is racially-motivated, gets tiring. Let's all move on to the next level of spirit-to-spirit communication, people!

Hmmm, why does it bother me so much that people mistake me for her? I guess because everyone wants to be an individual and frankly, I don't think I look like her. I can't blame it on racism either since some Asians have told me I look like her and some white people have adamantly insisted I look nothing like her. But then again, a lot of people think Jewel and Renee Zellweger look exactly alike. I don't think they look alike at all! Watch, some magazine is going to do that "separated at birth" bit they do and they'll post my photo and Margaret's. Then, it'll blow up into some mini-controversy about racism and an accusation that the mag was saying all Asians look alike, blah blah blah. Ah, the curse of being a psychic! ha ha

I have a big wonderful book that is about the history of Second City. I bought it for 5 bucks when I went to see a mainstage show in Chicago. I was in Chicago just for a day and a half (I'd gone out there to observe some testing by our mechanical engineering expert on a truck for an upcoming products liability case). I spent the day staring at truck design diagrams and watching the experts test the truck. I then drove my rental car to the heart of Chicago, grabbed some dinner, bought a ticket for the mainstage show (actually they were in previews), rushed off to catch an Improv Olympic show, then back to Second City. It was exciting to see the show. I chatted with a very friendly couple who said they love coming to these shows. The theater was sold out and buzzing with excitement.

So, I read that book with fascination. It had little bios of different alums who've gone on to become famous--everyone from John Belushi to Tina Fey (interesting side note--Tina Fey, being the head writer on SNL, was saying that they pretty much pick writers from 1 of 4 arenas--Harvard, Groundlings, Second City and occasionally, from the stand up comedy world. I wonder if the fact that I have 3 of the 4 and will be taking classes at Groundlings soon will help me??? : ) ) It was pretty much like a Who's Who of comics in America in the last 40 years. I felt so connected to the tradition and history! Ugh, did I just sound like a fresh off the boat Asian just now? Oh, well, f**k it! I loved that I was learning these tools and traditions, even if it was just at a training center in L.A. I totally have this dream of reading a new version of that book with ME in it. A whole Spotlight page about "JUNG E. PARK" In fact, since I am fully aware of how this world manifests success (that is, WE create our own reality. See it, believe it, and it will happen. etc. etc.), I actually sat down and wrote a spotlight page for myself and stuck it in the back of the book, right next to Rachel Dratch's page.

I set it for 2005, next year.

An acquaintance from my music theory class does voice over work (she must be pretty good 'cuz she's with ICM) was nice enough to give me copies of some good copy and a CD full of demos. I've listened to only part of the animation CD, but I'm already totally inspired. I think I will actually write my own copy for it. I was really impressed by the demo of the woman who does Bart Simpson's voice. She had a great range of characters. I really couldn't believe it was the same person doing all those voices! The other interesting thing is that she had no effort in her voices. I can't explain it but I could *hear* it. Something about her voices drew me in, whereas some of the other people's demos weren't as interesting. I think it has something to do with the other performers' self-awareness or self-consciousness. I don't know why, but with some of them, I just didn't believe their characters.
There's also a rhythm to these demos, even though they're only one minute to 90 seconds long. I guess the thing I realized is how important it is to give a sense of yourself as an individual, even when doing these character voices. Show them what makes YOU stand out from the crowd. I'm going to put a lot of humor and some very tight pacing and timing into my demo. Brian, the guy who was the sound engineer for that Princess thing I did, once offered to let me record my demo in his studio. I hope the offer is still good. I think I'll create the copy, practice it, get the overall pacing of it set up, then record it with him, and then take it to that guy here in the Valley (gotta look up his name!) for him to add sound effects, music, etc. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it. But, man, I LOVE being in a recording studio. It's sick how happy it makes me. I would be in heaven if I got to do a voice for an animation character, in a movie. Especially a spiritual or new age and calm character. That is definitely one of my wishes out to the universe!

Do I sound like an egomaniac? Hey, I'm an egomaniac to make the world a better place, heh heh. Sure, why not? There's enough negativity out there and people who are eager to criticize themselves and hate themselves. I hope to help them by being the opposite. If I don't love and believe in me, who will? Besides this is all an ongoing Journey. I have no idea what'll happen next.

anyhoo,

love and light,

Me

2004-06-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

Hellooooo!

I got a callback for that improv comedy show pilot! I got a call yesterday and they told me that the star of the show and the director who did the auditions loved me! Hooray! The callback is pretty interesting too. They selected people to come and participate in a 13-week long "workshop" where we'll be playing improv games, getting to know one another, seeing who clicks with whom. I guess by working with everyone for that long a period, they can truly build an ensemble that will work for the show, which starts shooting September 15th.

It's going to be at the Gene Bua Acting for Life theater, which is near my house. I read about the theater, about Gene and his wife Toni. I got chills when I read about them because they are such beautiful and loving souls. I am so lucky to have found out about them and the acting classes they teach that incorporate mind-body-spirit awareness. It's exactly what I've been looking for! Likeminded souls in the business! I am definitely going to sign up for Gene's acting classes. It's exciting.

It's amazing how there is no such thing as coincidence, and how, when I raise my abundance and joy, I meet so many amazing people with similar attitudes. It's just like how I found my agent/manager and his partner. They are so spiritually aware and full of light and love. They really see me and validate who I truly am, as opposed to forcing me to try for stereotypical and limited "Asian" parts.

So my first workshop is tonight!

Love and light,

Me

2004-06-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

Wow, time sure flies when you don't slave in a 9 to 5 BS job!

So, I've been spending a lot of time, as I said, de-toxing from doing a job I hated and being in a career path that isn't meant for me. Namely, being a lawyer. It's not coincidence that my mom AND my dad dreamt of being lawyers, back in Korea. Now, they put all their lost dreams on me! Argh. But, I break the cycle, thank you very much.

All I wanna do is be a clown, honorable ancestors.

So, I did this audition this past week for this new comedy pilot. The producer or director there said they had gotten 2,500 submissions but decided to audition only 60 people! The whole audition was 30 minutes of group improv. I recognized a few people there in my group, from the Second City training center. I guess the world of improv in L.A. is becoming a small world. I did okay, I think. I was feeling really great but as the audition progressed, I felt that damn analytical, self-judging voice in my head appear. But, I grinned and did my best. One of the guys in the audience told me I did a good job. I hope I get a callback. I've been to 3 high-profile auditions now and I'm starting to worry that I'm doing something wrong. Oh, well, gotta keep on keeping on and "honing my craft" as they say.

The audition made me realize how much I missed doing improv. I'm going to go sign up at Groundlings in July. I also was going to sign up at The Hothouse Spontaneous Theater, right near my house. It's a more artsy-fartsy improv theater that prides itself on organic improv, based on a lot of Viola Spolin games and ideas. I actually don't think I'm going to take classes there though. I'm kind of annoyed by them. They seem very unprofessional. The girl who called me to tell me that a new level one class was starting up told me to go show up this past Friday between 3 to 6 to register. She also told me that I could probably do 2 payments. So, I go out of my way to get there and No One's there! I left them a message and the guy left me a message saying I could go watch the show that night and register then. Fine, I think.

The theater was so claustrophobic and hot! Their AC had broken down. Their performance space is this little black room with the chairs arranged in an L-shape around the performing area (no stage). The performers in the first group were sweating. I guess they make all the performers wear black pants, white shirts and ties and black jackets. Very unflattering outfit for women,I might add! They seated me in the front row, off to the side.

I suffered through one group droning on and not giving one another focus. Everyone was glistening with sweat, their white shirts sopping wet. Maybe because I myself was bloated, but I fascinated by one girl's huge belly that threatened to rip out of her black waiter pants. All I kept thinking was, God, please don't spray your sweat on me.

The second group was fantastic, though. Really good. I appreciated how their random sounds and dance-like movements organically changed into scenes and interactions. But, damn that room was hot. Also, on an energy level, I was struck by how much that theater was in survival. It's that same energy I see in lots of performing groups. The vibe that you have to be a starving artist to have any integrity in your craft. Anyway, the guy in charge said they don't do payment plans. So, I thought, forget it. I'll go suffer through Groundlings. At least, Groundlings is set at a success energy vibration.

I really do want to play more theater games, learn more Spolin stuff. I was going to go to Paul Sills workshop at his farm in Wisconsin but now, it conflicts with a jazz and harmony music class at Santa Monica College that I'm going to take this summer. At least his daughter (and therefore Viola Spolin's granddaughter) Aretha Sills teaches out here in L.A. I e-mailed her last week to ask when she would be teaching another workshop. She promised soon. I hope so.

Love and light,
Me

2004-05-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hello, again!

Well, I have been doing a lot more comedy since I was fired last last week. Argh, I hate lawyers! I can't believe I worked as a lawyer for so long. It's so antithetical to my whole persona!

Anyway, I have spent last week de-toxing from all that negativity. At least my boss is making installment payments to me on a past-due bonus. So, I don't have to freak out about money for the short-term.

Okay, a more cheerful topic--I went to Home Brew Coffee in San Dimas on Saturday night and did some comedy. It was interesting there. It's some small "comedy competition" that the host puts on. There sure were a lot of people in cowboy hats roaming around the mini-mall. It's always amusing to me how cities outside of L.A. and close to L.A. seem like another world completely.

I thought my set was good. I improvised a bit. People laughed. I heard a woman in the front tell her grandma, "She was cute! That was cute!" I guess you don't often hear comics described that way. Don't know if that was a good or bad thing. The grandma in the front was hilarious. She took a few moments to get the punchline of comics' jokes. Then, she'd repeat the punchline out loud and laugh. I think I'll incorporate her into a new bit. Well, I was pretty shocked when I did not place in the top 4. What ??? I'm sorry, but there was one guy who did a bunch of hacked material that I am sure I heard from other famous comics and HE PLACED! Oh, well, I'll just shrug it off. I have some weird thing with comedy contests anyway.

I did The Extravaganza show at Improv Olympic on Sunday night. Chris Hardwick, that guy who hosts Shipmates, or whatever, was there. I didn't stay after my set to watch his set because I was running to The Comedy Store to see my friend Patte's friend in some comedy duo, MC Juicy, or DJ Juicy (?) Well, I should have just stayed at Improv Olympic because I missed their performance and the rest of the comics in the belly room were not that funny. I have this curse now where every time I listen to or watch comedy, I watch it technically. I dissect how they're performing, whether their bits work, etc. etc. It's tiring.

So, today, my agent calls me for an sudden audition over in Santa Monica. He can't tell me what it's about because he said the casting guy who called him was talking so fast, he couldn't catch it all. My agent is so cool. He and the other agent in the office, are so spiritual and they "get" it. They understand about energy, and spiritual-mind-body awareness. Anyway, so I go to Santa Monica. Have no idea what I'm reading or what character I'm reading for. I just sign in and wait. I figure it's not going to be a pure comedy role or sketch comedy show because the other girls piling into the waiting room are waif-thin, model-actress chicks. You know, the kind that make regular girls feel like crap. Anyway, I close my eyes to tune them out and focus on my own goddess vibration and confidence. One of the casting guys comes out and gets me the sides. I still have no clue what it's all about, but I try to focus on the script. I feel huge compared to these other girls and am paranoid that I look like a big linebacker hulking around the offices there. Very Bridget Jones moment. Sigh.

I go into the little audition room. The casting guy seems nice. The cameraman's nice too. I am wearing my glasses and some store-bought blush & powder I put on in the car(had to rush from UCLA to the audition. No time to go home and make pretty!. I am going to take my glasses off but he says he likes them so I keep them on. I chat with him about my glasses and the missing rhinestones in them. I babble because I'm nervous. Anyway, so I read the lines and that was that.

I have to admit I felt bad afterwards, like I could have done so much more with the character. Like, slapped an Asian-ghetto girl accent on her or something. But, it all happened so fast, I just kind of blanked out. I couldn't even remember all the tips that all those casting agents gave about cold readings. Argh. I called my buddy from my psychic success class and she reassured me that even though I didn't feel like i showed my best, the casting guy still was able to see me clearly.

Okay, that's about it for now. I'm off to go to some Universal Backlot party with my friend Beto.

Oh, can I just tell you that last week, not working, felt so weird? I didn't know what to do with myself. But, my plan is to really take the time and take good care of myself. Pamper myself and get back to a place where my mind-body-soul are at their highest vibration! Amen.

Love and light,
Me

2004-05-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

So, last night I drove for 40 minutes to do some comedy in Glendora, at this small cafe. The house was pretty much all comics. It's hard for me to do my comedy in front of just comics. I guess people say that stage time is stage time, but really, c'mon, does anyone benefit from trying out their material in front of comics who thinking about their own sets? Oh, well I guess it's still better than practicing at home to my cat. Oh, wait, and it is good networking. I found out about 2 other rooms too.

I did one of my old jokes, about AFB's (Asian Fetish Boys) and my new material about how my boss fired me. The best thing though is that I once again got to experience the art of improvising and being "in the moment" and making up stuff tailored to the "audience."

There was this 6 foot 4 female comic. She's white, older. She won a local female comic talent show (she and I were in the same 1st round of competition. Yeah, that was the night when one of the contest's judges totally screwed me over with the scores. Long story!). She's very funny, but it's hard for me to watch her and not feel sad. Most of her jokes are about herself, bashing herself, etc. I understand that we are supposed to mock ourselves. But, frankly, there's a fine line between amused self-mockery and sad sad self-resignation of one's lot in life. Why did she make me so sad? I guess, if I admit it, I feel afraid to end up alone, old, still doing local comedy showcases like that. It is like one of my worst fears.

There were a couple of other comics there that night that I had a hard time watching. Literally. Maybe it's because I'm psychic. I don't know. But I couldn't look at them because they looked really sad to me. I felt uncomfortable watching them. Part of me was like, hmm, isn't one of the basic elements of being a performer, watch-ability? Isn't it kind of a bad sign when it's unbearable to look at you?

This other Asian female comic was getting on my nerves. She went up after me and started off her set saying that she didn't have a lot to say now because "Jung did all the material I was going to do" regarding Asian stereotype stuff. I was a bit insulted, I must confess. My material is nothing like hers at all. She kept referencing me in her set too, which was annoying. She used to be this other comic's girlfriend and I'd see her following him around at open mics. Then, she dumped him and started doing comedy herself. Which, is good for her, I say! You go, girl! I guess she was just nervous and maybe didn't realize she was totally in my space on an energy level! After her set, I left and she practically chased after me. She thought I might have been mad at her teasing me. Well, I didn't tell her the truth because I really didn't want to get into it at that time. She then commented that she liked 2 of my bits she heard. Anyway, the whole dynamic was weird. I think she saw my success energy vibration and got all in my space subconsciously about it. Anyway, the host told me that she's super young, so that probably explains most of her behavior. I wish her the best of luck. Just don't get in my space, puh-leeze!

Speaking of, there are some other Asian female comics who just do not seem supportive at all. What's their problem? They act like we are all competing for the same slice of success pie. Don't they realize there is NO competition? We are all great and one person's success does not take away from another's potential success. Argh!

My little sister and I call them Level B people. They are folks who always are negative and hope you fail in your endeavors because your success makes them feel bad about themselves. They are the friends who are always calling you and then mooch off your energy. They are folks who not only follow the rules, they try to make you follow them too. They are the folks who tell you everything in life is hard, that you'll never make your dreams in life come true, so grow up. Suffice to say, Level B people are TOXIC!

Okay, I gotta go back and do another 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat. I need to become neutral to negative energy. There's an amazing new song by Gloria Estefan (who I usually don't listen to) that's all about wishing only love to those who do harm to us, or wish us ill. Amen!

So, today was my first free day of not working. I got fired last week by my head boss. Long story! So, anyway, now my days are free, and I am making "lemonade" out of lemons by focusing on getting more comedy gigs, focusing on the comedy, music, acting, body wellness, etc.

Okay, more later.

Peace,
Me

2004-05-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

Well, hello, again! Wow, have I been through a lot in the last week. I'll tell you all about it in a later post. Suffice to say, that as of Monday, I will now have my days free.

Yesterday, I performed comedy at this art gallery opening celebration in downtown L.A. Jason, who organizes the ArtistSalon, organized all the performances. They were in some old bank building at 453 So. Spring Street. The crowd was a bit stiff. But I did my best. After my set, a guy came up to me and told me I was really really funny. He thought the crowd was too artsy-fartsy to laugh enough, but he felt as though I were going to make it big, bigger than Margaret Cho, he says. It's cool because he's a publicist and started his own company, BIB Communications. I take his card. He is also a native of Tennessee and told me that my Tennessee accent for my Darlene Sue character (she's a Chinese woman living in Tennessee and an aspiring beauty pageant contestant)was dead on. What a compliment!

The coolest thing though is that I went upstairs to use the bathroom and as, I was walking out, these 3 young boys, about age 10 or 11 were all looking back in my direction and whispering excitedly to themselves. I assumed maybe there was a celebrity behind me. But, turns out they were talking about me! When I walked by them, one of them said, "Hey, you're really funny." The other boys giggled their agreement. One of them said, "We liked the joke about your mom, in the store, and the shoplifting thing." They all concurred and said, "Yeah, that was so funny!" I thanked them. Somehow, it really made my day that these young kids really thought I was funny and were quoting my material back at me. Sign of success? I think so!

2004-05-05T18:19:00.000-07:00

So, last night, I went to Rowland Heights to interview a witness for an auto accident case we have. Actually, a private investigator we hired did the interview and I sat with them. It took way longer than I expected, so by the time we finished, it was already close to 8:00 p.m. The whole time I'm there, looking professional in my suit, nodding, I'm thinking, "God I am bored out of my gourd. When are we going to be done so I can go do some comedy!?"

But, the interview ran 3 hours and I was going to miss going to an open mike at Bliss Arthouse Cafe in Hollywood. It was going to be the first time I've been at an open mike in a looooong time, I think! So, I changed clothes, drove back to L.A., debating whether to go or just go to 24 Fitness (my favorite one in West Hollywood because of the outdoor pool) and swim (okay, technically, gasp through a few laps and then aqua-jog!). Bliss had been recommended to me by Mark*--this aspiring comic who works by day as a white collar professional and does comedy at night. Hmmm, sound familiar? I've actually never met Mark in person. But, in this day and age, I have seen his web site and he's seen mine (ah, the modern day calling cards!)

A friend of mine from music class came up to me in the women's restroom during class break last month and asked me out of the blue, "Hey, Jung, do you have a boyfriend?" I said, "No and actually I officially stopped seeing this guy I was dating as of last week. Why?" She said, "Well, there's this guy in my office that I have a feeling you'd get along well with, he's a comic too. He's really really nice. I was thinking of introducing you two to each other" So I said, "Okay." I guess he checked out my web site and thought I was cute. He's cute. He looks like a young Ted Danson/current Ben Affleck.

Anyway, so where was I? Oh, yeah, so I decided to go to Bliss anyway and at least check out the cafe, watch some of the other comics. Of course the sign up sheet was all filled (it was 9:00 p.m.). I saw one bad comic after another. There was one guy who was funny when he was in the audience. I forget his name but he naturally seemed to have a dry, comic timing when he responded to the comic onstage. The funny thing is, when that guy actually got onstage, he wasn't as funny as when he was just being himself at his table. Ah, the eternal dilemma of standup!

Then, the funniest coincidence happened. This guy walks in, super-energetic and hi-fives the funny guy at the table and another guy with wavy hair. I can't see his face because he's got a baseball cap on, but he seems vaguely familiar. He's got this George Clooney/tanned used car salesman look about him. When he turns around, I realize he's this guy, Jeff*, a psychic from Southern California Psychic Institute, who used to read there last year or so. I don't think he knows me, but I've read with him a few times and know "of" him because of our mutual friend Pat*. So, when he stands at the ATM near me, I ask him, "Did you go to the Institute?" He says yes, shakes my hand.

Meanwhile, his pal with the wavy hair gets onstage. He has a mild lazy eye, which can work to his advantage, if he milks it and tries to look dreamy or unknowable. And, when he first gets up there and just stares at us, I think initially, Wow, that's cool. He's taking the time to see the audience and just "be." But, alas, no. His deer-in-headlights look is for real. He's got some stage fright or memory loss thing going on, which to tell you the truth, was still more interesting than any of the other comics' hacked and boring bits. Very Andy Kaufman-like. But, he panicked. Then, he asked me what I was doing there and I mentioned I had wanted to perform but got there too late to sign up. He offered to give me his last 3 minutes for $2.00. I said, "How about a penny?" He agreed! So, I gave him a dime (Keep the change) and got to do 3 minutes of comedy. That was fun.

Then, Jeff* gets onstage. His energy is really strong, very manic, but I don't really like his material very much. No one there really made me laugh. Ah, the joys of an open mike!

Jeff comes over and sits for a minute to chat. He tells me he's got an amazing comedy coach who also works with Mr. Wavy-hair deer-in-headlights and the funny-when-not-onstage guy. Jeff* tells me, "If you want a coach to take you to the next level, he's the man." Hmmm, I'm thinking, you guys aren't really advertising his skills very well, though. Out loud, I just smile and say, "Okay, thanks"--which I guess is me getting sucked into the unspoken rule of not openly mocking a goodlooking guy to his face. I mention I know Pat* and he grins and says tell her he says hi. Then, he strokes my calf and says bye. Hmmm, never had a stranger stroke my calf as an affectionate goodbye. I guess he can get away with it because of unspoken rule # 2, which is to feel complimented if goodlooking guy strokes any of your body parts. Hmmm, mental note to self--revise unspoken rules.

So, I run out of Bliss before 10:00 p.m. and hope to avoid the insane guy at the corner who was ranting and raving about Hollywood whores and pimps earlier. And no, it wasn't a comic.

Love and light,
Me

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent--namely, ME, in case anyone ever gets mad that I talked about 'em!

2004-04-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be in music class (sightsinging) at Santa Monica College tonight, but whatever I had in my late-lunch low-carb salad did NOT agree with me, so here I am, at home. A rare treat for me, since I'm usually running around all over the place. Work at the law office was hectic but not too bad. I made an appearance at the Glendale courthouse today, and the judge there was pretty funny. I was doing a motion to move our case from limited (which limits damages to $25,000 or less) to unlimited (which has cases involving damages of $25,000 or more). The judge looked at the defense attorney and said, So, Mr. ___, plaintiff wants to move the case next door. Why are you opposing 'em? They got better air conditioning next door!" We got our current trial date vacated and the judge joked to us, "So, what are we gonna do with the time we allocated to spending with you for that trial?" I chimed in, "Well, your honor, you could sleep in." I guess the only one allowed to be funny is the person wearing the black robe because he didn't really laugh. But, at least his clerk did.

I haven't done any more auditions this week. But, I also have a feeling that the opportunities are going to manifest when I go part-time, as of May 17th. Hooray! I finally had the courage to set in motion my plan to work 2 days a week and devote the rest of the time to acting, comedy, being in my creative space. Luckily, I'm getting a bonus from some cases I worked on and that'll help me pay expenses this year. I'm so excited! When I sit in that creative space, I feel so capable of success and magic. It's like experiencing our birthright--that sense of being yourself, powerful and creative. Being part of the FLOW of the universe. So cool.

My next comedy gig isn't until May 16th (all the way in Glendora). I gotta be more proactive and hustle some more stage time. Hmm, maybe I shouldn' t be so hard on myself. I am taking 3 music night classes after all, as well as my Success class every other week. Okay, more later!

Me

2004-04-28T00:43:00.000-07:00

Today I wrote a new standup bit about male and female energy, yin and yang. I also wrote a bit I like about . . sex. I have to make sure I go to an open mike next Tuesday so I can try this material out.

Hmm, I just finished the fourth class in my six-week Success class at the Southern California Psychic Institute. It's an amazing class about visualizing success and abundance, and removing roadblocks to success. We did an intense meditation, psychic reading tonight where we looked at a subconscious pattern in our lives that was undermining our success. We look at when that pattern first got programmed into us and released it in meditation and reading. I saw for myself that at a young young age, I felt a lot of pain in my body as my spiritual chakras lessened their vibration to match the physical body. Then, when I realized what a difficult life I was going to have, I decided to put a veil of unconsciousness around me, so that I would ignore the present moment and daydream and visualize a better future. That survival technique worked for me when I was young, but I don't need it anymore. Today, as an adult, it just makes me unaware of present time bad habits and puts me into the future. The result is that I procrastinate, put off doing tasks, worry about stuff "tomorrow" and spend without thinking. So I released such old habits and brought in a new awareness of who I am today and what is happening all around me in my day-to-day life. This new awareness was already starting to happen a month ago, when I started taking better care of my temple--my physical body. I knew the yoga would make me feel better. I am just surprised that it is also making me aware of what I am eating. It's making me change the way I eat. I want foods that are less salty. I also cut out wheat, sugary, processed foods, and most importantly, coffee. I didn't realize how destructive coffee is for my system! It's exciting to watch this transition I am making into a healthy, glowing and beautiful body-temple.

Hmm, now about boys. Why are guys so intimidated by me? Nothing's more hurtful than to be myself and be told it's too much, or too much to handle. I can't help it if I did all the things I did, or the fact that I am a good lawyer, a great psychic, a funny comic, a talented actress, etc. etc. If you cut me, do I not bleed? We are all blessed spirits and we are all able to create at levels unheard-of. I'm just enthusiastic to live up to my full potential. What a lot of guys I meet don't realize is that, yes, I do all those things, but I'm still a girl. I still like a guy to make me feel like his woman, to feel protected and cared-for around him. Guys are so hard on themselves. They think they have to be so rich and powerful to make a woman happy. Really, like the Mars & Venus books say, all a man needs to do to win a woman's heart is pay attention to her and make her feel that he is there for her. So simple.

I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind this weekend. I went with RC* It was the first time he and I had hung out together since that Saturday (3 weeks ago?) that we went to La Jolla (when I'd felt sad the whole time because he wasn't being romantic to me at all, unlike when we'd first started dating). We actually had a nice time at the movie. I guess when you decide to "be friends" it takes all the resentment and pressure away and off. Ironically, it makes people get along even better than when they were dating, I guess. Anyway, I don't want to talk that much about RC because I'm paranoid that he'll read this blog (haven't worked up the courage yet to just talk and not care about the consequences!) So, where was I? Oh yeah, the movie. The movie made me cry a lot. I thought it was a great movie. Kate Winslet's impulsive, chaotic and energetic character reminded me a lot of how I am in relationships. The whole movie is about how after they break up, Kate's character erases Jim Carrey's character from her mind. He starts to erase her too but then wants to hold onto the good memories. They end up meeting and being pulled towards each other regardless. There were a lot of scenes of the good moments in their relationship, and those moments seemed so genuine and real. I think people can relate to those moments. I've never had a long long relationship and that was a bit sad for me--to think that my dating life is a bit like an erased one--but the movie reminded me of moments in different relationships where things are so sweet and nice and intimate that you don't even realize how much it's so until it's gone. It also, surprisingly, brought back some grief about Gilles. I was thinking about how he always made me a homemade shake to take with me on the train to work. I had to get up really early to catch the train from Palo Alto to San Francisco. But, he always patiently woke up, and made me these odd yet delicious shakes, with things I never would have thought of to add, like brown rice, broccoli stems, and then more typically, vanilla, yogurt, bananas. I've never been able to duplicate those shakes! He'd pour the shake into an Odwalla juice container and pack it for me in a bag. Then he'd drive me to the train station in his little tiny car. He always wore his rundown fedora and when the train would start moving, he'd run alongside it, blowing kisses and waving his hat. Somehow he could get away with that and not look like a big doofus. I guess it was because he was French. It's strange how after someone dies, and years pass, and you think you're totally done with the grief, at odd moments, it'll come up, out of nowhere. The thing I grieve, is intangible. It's not loss of him exactly. I think it's a bit of regret that I couldn't thank him for those little moments when he gave unconditionally. Things like those morning shakes and waving goodbye.

Love. Such a necessity and craving. Something that we are so overflowing with that we shut it off because the feeling is so intense. I have so much love inside of me that I can't bear it sometimes. The only way I can express it, make someone understand it, is to try to convey it in my performing. Hopefully, in that silliness or laughter, I'll get love back.

I must be PMS'ing right now. Didn't intend to blather on and on about my life. I told myself this blog was going to be about the things I do for my comedy and performing stuff. Aw, f**k it, only the truth is funny and interesting anyway right?

Love and light,

Me

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Namely, me. from any resentment from those I discuss!!! : )

2004-04-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe it's already been a week since I last posted something! So much for daily entries. So, Tuesday night, performed a comedy set in this thing called Artist Salon (www.artistsalon.com). It's this informal gathering of singers, actors, comics, poets, other performing artists, who try out new stuff in an artsy, relaxed salon setting. This nice guy Jason Waters started it. It's usually in his backyard or living room, but this past week it was at a great little hair salon/art gallery called Irene Vaksberg Hair Salon on Beverly Blvd. The owner is a sweet Eastern European lady with a curly artsy bob and a big Shirley Temple-like smile constantly on her face. A lot of people were there that night (which is usually the case when it's at an outside location). I felt very shy when I first walked in. I didn't recognize anyone there, and people seemed to be in tight little groups, chatting and munching away at veggies and meatballs already. Too cool for words. So, I just walked around and got some food too. I chatted a little bit with this friendly short Latina girl who said she'd written a poem and it was displayed near the microphone. I felt very self-conscious and awkward, like being all alone at a junior high dance during the slow songs, ya know? I was even debating whether to just bail. But thankfully, I forced myself to get some air and then walk back in.

Did I mention that I have this mild phobia of crowds of people. Dunno why. It's odd too because I love being in front of tons of people, performing. I can perform in front of thousands of people and it's like heaven. But, stick me in a crowd of people (like the mall on a weekend night) and I just hate it! So, anyway, I saw my friend Amy Raasch, this fellow psychic who's a really beautiful and talented singer/songwriter and actress. I chatted with her and forced myself to stick around until my set. I was going to try two new bits--one about my dad giving me a hard time about not being married and the other about the inner children of world leaders. I mixed these 2 bits in with my regular set. I think it went really well. People were totally laughing a lot. I stood up there and this new phenomen has been happening. I stand there and I wait. I let myself be present and I engage the audience. I also noticed that my real goofiness and personality is starting to come out. I have this nervous energy that borders on manic. I noticed I have been transmuting (like that fancy New Age term?) that into improvised lines and jokes. It's funny because those improvised spur-of-the-moment comments are sometimes the funniest things I say all night. Mental note--hold onto those moments! A lot of people came up to me afterwards to thank me and say that I was really really funny. What's that saying that J.Lo. used to go around and tell people? I heard she used to tell people she was going to be famous and rich long before she made it. I go around and say I'm a celebrity already and I'm just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up! heh heh

Standing there, talking with the crowd, I felt so at-home and clear. I looked at everyone and it was really fun. I am owning this sense of being up there more and more. I also have realized that my attitude really sets the tone for the night. I am visualizing how the set will go more and more. And I see that my energy, my confidence up there, is more important than any words I say. It's such an ephemeral and intangible thing, but everyone recognizes when it's working or not. More and more, I have tapping into the power of just being myself and allowing my own self to shine. Getting out of my own way! Isn't that what a successful path is all about?

I've been waiting to hear about this t.v. project--a comedy show--that I auditioned for. I got along really well with the producer and I think he liked my work a lot because he kept saying it was excellent and great stuff. My agent told me this week that he talked personally to the producer and he's considering me. Cool! My psychic friends saw that I would end up working with this producer, whether on this project or not, so I'm not worried. I trust that the best outcome will happen.

Love, and light,
Me.

2004-04-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

Had a fun weekend. My little sister Haeun was visiting from Berkeley and we spent most of the weekend obsessing about doing things that made us look good (Bikram yoga, walking, eating healthfully) or buying things that made us look good (cute handcrafted jewelry, henna tattoo (hers), etc.) Seems we've followed the superficial So. Cal. dictate a little too naturally! The best compliment we got was when we were walking along Venice boardwalk and an African American vendor yelled out to us, "Hi, girls. You lookin' fly! One in blue, one in brown. Fly girls! In living color!" That was sooooo flattering. One step away from J.Lo-dom, I guess, heh heh.

More later.

2004-04-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Am at work, and taking a few minutes of my lunch break to just . . . remind myself about who I am. I finished a ton of documents that had to get out today and I'm feeling that pressure unwinding. Whew! I went to Bikram yoga class this morning (my usual 7:00 a.m. one) and I'm so glad I did. Wednesdays and Fridays are taught by this beautiful African American woman who is so kind and validating to us. It makes the class go that much easier. Staring at myself in the mirror for 90 minutes in my yogawear is starting to have an effect. I'm becoming a lot more conscious of my body and of being "present" in it. Everyone who does this yoga is so damn beautiful. They all glow! Me wanna be like that! That's totally my goal--to have the body and the body-awareness of a dancer. Don't they say that your body is your temple? Gotta remember not to defile it. It's so easy to eat crap and hate your body, especially for us women. I'm getting into shape 100% and I'm not sure why or how, but this Bikram yoga thing really seems to work. Bikram said at one point that if you go every day, give him 100 days, and he'll give you a new body (the body you're meant to have). I'm on Day 14 and counting! Enough of this rant, I gotta go. Will chat more later!

2004-04-15T23:30:00.000-07:00

Today the office went to the Cesar Chavez Foundation Awards dinner. It's seemingly paradoxical to have a celebration of our famous UFW leader at a Four Seasons hotel in Beverly Hills. But, at least we did the proper clapping and yelled appropriate words of fighting, dressed in our suits and fancy dresses. One of the Kennedys (daughter of Robert) came and spoke. She was eloquent. I wonder what life is like to have your father assassinated and know you will never grow up with him around. Sad. Ed Begley, Jr. was there to accept an award. He got all choked up and cut his speech short. Various newscasters were there. I heard a disturbing comment from someone that Cesar got a lot of people angry with him, but I don't know if it's true. They say he lied a lot. Who knows? But, an icon is always venerable from a distance. It's the ones up close who have to deal with him day to day. I think the greater the light, the darker the shadow, as they say. I was bored a bit. A co-worker complimented me and said she totally feels that I am going to make it as a comic because I, unlike most female comics, am feminine and pretty. Thanks! Working as a lawyer, it's so easy to forget that side of myself. I'm home now and tired. Feeling a bit melancholy, like watching water drip on a rusty pan. Hmmm. More later.

2004-04-14T23:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I just finished participating in Steve Harvey's Talent Search Show at the El Rey Theater, here in Los Angeles. What a zoo! No one told me that it was going to be as chaotic and crazy as Showtime at the Apollo. I got whup-whupped off. Well, basically I got booed off! The funny thing, is, I feel fine about it. In fact I am amused by the whole surreal experience. The audience was so out for blood, how could any comic stand a chance with them? The singers barely got a chance! I knew things were bad when the first comic didn't even get a chance to talk before he got booed loudly off. At least with me, the audience said hello back and let me talk for a few seconds! I asked them if they spoke Spanish. Some people said yes. Others booed. So, I joked, "Oh, for those who don't, did you know that 'boo' means 'you're hot' in Spanish?" This fat black lady in the front got all angry, jumped up and started doing that arm wave and yelled, "No, you're not! No, you're not!" So, at the end, I just said, "That's okay. I still love you all and I'll forgive you when I see you in heaven." I didn't feel bad afterwards. How could I? No one even got to hear my comedy. I also learned a very important lesson. I cannot control other people's reaction to me. BUT, I can completely control how I react to other people's reactions to me. In other words, I view tonight as a success because how can any audience be worse than tonight's? If I can survive that with my amusement and self-love intact, I can survive any audience! Also, feeling like a failure is an option I no longer choose! Self-empowerment--that's what it's all about. I feel even more unstoppable and unwaivering in my belief that I am successful. Amen to that!